


Through The Lens

by Coconut_Kid



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Photographer, Angst, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Model AU, Romance, mentions of eating disorders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-11-08 22:16:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11091030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coconut_Kid/pseuds/Coconut_Kid
Summary: In which one desperately wants to break free from sickening social standards, and the other wants to be valued for what he’s truly worth.Somehow,somewhere, they meet in the middle.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yet again, there is angst:i'm sorry
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I have nothing against models, some of the things I've written in this are purely for the sake of the story.

_’’Spontaneity._ _Such a wonderful feature, though sadly underrated by the fashion industry where everything has to be picture perfect and where one’s ideality is measured by their weight rather than their ability to form an intelligible sentence’’._

**_***_ **

 

Each cigarette he smoked was lit by a flame of his own regret.

And although regret  was just a side effect of being in love with someone who would  never love him back, Jackson still craved the attention.

He simply couldn’t quit _him_.

Jackson inhaled deeply, cancer stick between his lips igniting and warming his fingers as he pulled it away and exhaled slowly.His curtains were drawn up, chilly autumn night still hugging the city like a warm blanket, unlike his own that was cold and thin covering only the lower part of his body, legs sticking out.

He’d been lying like this for quite some time and the more he stared at that one particularly damp spot on his wall, the more he thought about just quitting.Everything.

He’d thought about it many times, no longer able to even keep a count.And every single one of those times he’d gotten so close to succeeding, but only one call was enough to bring him back to the square one.

 _Only one last time,_ he lied to himself easily and believed it even easier until his _one last time_ turned into three, four, five _one last times_ and he was back where he formerly thought he belonged-between white sheets, hovering over a thin body he’d gotten to know so well over time that he could precisely count the number of scars on pale skin and dips on the other’s spine.

It was intoxicated, for those couple of hours in which he felt wanted and needed, enveloped by that peculiar mix of vanilla and smoke _._ But the facade crumbled easily and the walls tumbled down like they were made out of cardboard as soon as the bliss was over and the white behind his eyelids retreated.

Jackson had never been a person who sought out to be taken care of.He had learned to live life on his own and was fine with that, _honestly_.But in some lonely moments, warm body tucked into his side became nothing more than a ghost of something that once could’ve been but never will.

’’Already leaving?’’ He kept his voice casual, like every other time because this was how it was supposed to be.Mark glanced at him quickly, pretended that he didn’t catch a spark of desperation in Jackson’s drowsy eyes.

’’Yeah, I have an important photoshoot tomorrow,’’ he zipped up his jeans quickly.They sagged around his narrow hips.’’ If I’m not there on time, manager’s gonna chew my head off.’’

Jackson snorted, forced and unnatural.’’Does she ever have good days?’’ He inhaled again, this time deeper and almost choked on the smoke because Mark laughed, throaty and real and Jackson could practically feel the walls collapsing like a wobbly house of cards.

’’Yup,’’ Mark pulled the sweater over his head, his ribs straining against the pale skin.Jackson averted his gaze. ’’When she gets laid.’’ His smile was borderline innocent as he climbed into the bed slowly, only to pluck the cigar from between Jackson’s fingers and take a drag of his own.He blew the smoke past his lips and pecked Jackson’s.

’’Thanks,’’ Mark said casually, as if they had concluded some kind of a pact.That single word pierced Jackson’s heart like a thousand little needles.’’I’ll call you.’’ He offered Jackson one last smile, but the other closed his eyes, felt his skin prickling from the wind that had suddenly blown into his apartment with the front door closing down the hallway.

’’Of course you will.’’

-

When they had first met there hadn’t been sparks in their looks, nor colorful fireworks when they kissed.However, there had been a trail of god knows how many drinks and a whole lot of bad decisions right on their heels as they stumbled into a bathroom of an after party (Jackson can’t really remember whose party it was.Probably some rich snob who owned the company they did the campaign for) and made out in that small, cramped space until their lips bruised and oxygen itself became a luxury.

They went to Jackson place afterwards still only partly sober, words rolling over their tongues as they kissed messily, panting into each other’s mouths while trying to pry the clothes from one another like a couple of animals in heat.But even through the haze of his mind, Jackson had been completely and utterly swept by Mark.

The way his cheeks got slightly rosy, maybe from the alcohol, maybe from the way in which Jackson had lazily thrust into him, quick short snaps of his hips that had extracted the prettiest little moans from Mark’s kissed swollen lips. Easily, he had become addicted to the way Mark dug his short fingernails into his back as they both neared their climax, legs tightening around Jackson’s waist, his heel digging into Jackson’s lower back urging him to go _faster_ and _harder_ and _fuck yes, right there_.

Jackson was bound to be screwed from the start.

But that hadn’t stopped him from biting into Mark’s skin, letting his teeth graze that place where Mark's neck met his shoulder as he finally reached his peak with the other convulsing tightly around him.

He had rolled over onto his back, panting hard while waiting for the buzzing to subdue and his skin to stop tingling.Mark’s breathing had also been labored, chest rising and falling steadily and Jackson could feel some kind of strange warmth spreading through his own as he turned his head to the side, staring at Mark whose sweaty bangs had fallen into his eyes, cheeks still beautifully tinted in red.

’’What now?’’ Jackson had asked when their bodies and minds cooled down, somehow already knowing the answer and loathing it.Mark had looked at him though his fringe, back when his hair was still flaming red, and smiled even though his eyes told a different story.

’’I don’t do love.’’ He had turned his head around, reaching for the pack of cigarettes that were in a back pocket of his jeans, laying neglected on the floor.He had light one up offering the other to Jackson.

This had been the moment where Jackson should’ve told Mark to gather his scattered clothes and leave with a single _I’m pretty sure models shouldn’t smoke_ on the tip of his tongue but as he laid there, staring at the most beautiful human he had ever seen in his twenty four years of life, the only thing he could do had been to take the cigar out of the box and grin despite the horrible feeling in his gut.

’’Great.Me neither.’’

_-_

Jackson had watched his fair share amount of rom-coms (blame it on Youngaje) to know that being FWBs didn’t quite work like that.

It was fine, for those few months in which they were casually fucking each other whenever they had time (which wasn’t that often really, since Mark was somewhat of a successful model, young and fresh in the industry, getting more job offers than Jackson could even count on his fingers, and Jackson still struggled to find a company that didn’t require him to lose insane amounts of weight that would make all of his muscle mass disappear), but the moments spent in utter bliss were so greatly charished by Jackson.

It had all been fine, until  the feelings didn’t suddenly get thrown into the mix.

Jackson knew it in the back of his mind that he should’ve said something before it became to much to bare, before it went out of hand.

But those sunny smiles and crinkling eyes made everything worth it.Every sleepless night spent thinking.Every little thought that raced through his head in the early morning hours.Every painful jab to his heart when Mark told him about that ’ _hot guy he was co-shooting with’_ or that _’fine as hell photographer from the last shoot.’_

And Jackson pretended that he was listening, nodding his head and chuckling at every story Mark shared with him because it was _worth it._ Because Mark was happy that way.And mostly because, in those few short hours spent with a person he cared so much for, listening to stories that didn’t even involve him in any way and knowing that they  probably never will, he was happy too.

And since he was already in so deep, he decided to suck it up for the sake of his own sanity and make up his own story each time Mark would ask _’’What about you? Anything new?’’_

All those movies ended the same way basically, Jackson also had a chance to notice, with both characters falling madly in love with each other after realizing that _oh, why should I look for someone new when I already have a very nice, visually appealing and overall suitable human being I can love and cherish._

What the movies constantly failed to show, however, was the factor of reality.When one of the characters realized his feelings but was never given a chance to speak about them openly, knowing well what the outcome would be.And no, it wasn’t rejection.That would be quite easy to deal with, actually.Couple shots of vodka and you were good to go.Make out with someone else in a stuffy bathroom and put yourself up for another heartbreak.

it certainly wasn’t rejection.

It was the look you would receive from that other person, full of judgment and remorse.The look that said _If you knew you weren’t cut to do this, why did you?_

And honestly, Jackson had asked himself that question more than once.

But then an answer came in a form of a blog he read one night by accident, when he was half done with his third glass of soju, Mark’s text box opened on his phone and glaring at him pointedly.

 

**wanna come over?**

 

Jackson had been ignoring it for hours.

He scrolled through the page, eventually finding a particular paragraph that caught his attention.It took a while for his drunken mind to focus, but after a moment of squinting and cursing at himself for drinking so much,the words finally sharpened enough to be readable.

 _We humans like to play superheroes.We think we can change everyone and everything so it becomes the way we like it.We want to save the day, be the light in someone’s life.We long for walks by the shore and warm kisses in the cold winter nights, so it’s only normal that we aren’t satisfied with just a salty smell of ocean and snowflakes in our hair as we stand alone and wait for our prince charming to show up.We humans are superficial, and that’s the truth.We find beauty in things that society puts on to be ’beautiful’ and forget to create beauty within ourselves.No one is perfect.Perfection does not exist and beauty is subjective.You can’t change anyone if they aren’t ready to change themselves.So we humans need to get off our high horses and realize that we aren’t special. You aren’t special.People surrounding you aren’t special, you just made yourself believe they are.And that’s okay too.That’s the way people have been functioning for decades, millenniums. It has been imprinted in our DNA to love and to be loved, also to hurt and to feel hurt.So it’s okay if you love someone and if that someone has hurt you in some way, but don’t play a superhero this time.It’s not worth it._ _’’_

  
By the time he finished reading the paragraph, there was a big, fat lump in his throat that didn’t seem to go down no matter how much he drank.He felt as if the person who wrote that made it just for him.Though it was absurd to think that way, those couple of sentences had helped him more than anyone else ever did.

 

**i thinak wr should stop ths.**

 

As he waited for a response, heart feeling heavier than ever, he re-thought his decision about a million times, not being able to find a better way to end that madness.It was the alcohol, he thought to himself, but it was the best goddamn thing he ever did while inebriated.

He hoped for a _why?_ Or something more ’’hollywoodish’’ like _don’t do this I’m coming over_.But he was greeted with only one single word that stung more than any kind of a direct insult.

 

**okay.**

 

He stared at those four letters, thinking that maybe his misery would finally end, already beyond sick of putting up with that load of emotional crap for as long as he did.

He waited for the rays of sun to seep through the blinds, and for a church choir that would start singing _allelujah_.He waited for a flock of birds to lift him high off the ground, flapping their wings in his face as they put him on his personal unicorn so that he could ride off into the sunset and live his happily ever after.

But in reality, he only poured himself a fourth glass of soju, drank it bottoms up and fell asleep hunched over his laptop, phone still in hand.

-

It’s not until late afternoon the next day when he realized that it was finally over.

In those billion rom-coms he had watched, this would have been the perfect timing for Mark to show up on his doorstep and pour out his real feelings to Jackson so that the other didn’t have to ride into the sunset alone.But there was no sound of a doorbel and the apartment was wrapped in a complete silence when he raised his head from his hands, stretched and felt every bone in his body cracking.

Life wasn’t a bestseller, nor was it a famous romance film because right where his love story should’ve started, sad ending came as a closure.

But the Earth still continued spinning, and a new chapter in his life began.

**ii)**

 

’’This is why I don’t do one night stands,’’  Youngjae huffs, pulling the shirt over his head as he stands in front of a mirror in the livingroom.Jackson gapes when he sees a line of dark purple hickeys all over his roommates neck.

’’Holy shit,’’ he snorts, throwing a ketchup covered chip in his mouth, munching loudly.’’Did you have sex with a carnivore animal?’’

Youngjae gives a brief look of disapproval towards Jackson’s food combination _and_  the younger’s words, touching one of the larger hickeys on his neck.He winces.

’’Was he at least hot?’’ Jackson adds through a mouthful of food, spiting bits of chips as he speaks.Youngjae gives him a dirty side-glance.

’’Can you stop eating like a pig?’’ Jackson only chews louder which earns him a smack upside the head.Youngaje only rolls his eyes and continues ’’Of course he was hot.If he weren’t, I wouldn’t have let him do this to me again.’’

’’Again?’’ Jackson raises his eyebrow with a smirk.Chip dust is gathered by the corners of his mouth before he wipes it with the back of his hand, licking his fingers clean as he enjoys the sudden flustered look Youngaje gives him.

’’I’m only human,’’ the younger says seriously, but there is a hint of a grin on his lips as he goes to his bedroom.’’Besides, who only does one round?’’ He says louder, voice muffled by the walls of their apartment.

There's a good point in that against which Jackson can’t really argue.

He is almost finished with his bag of chips when Youngjae comes back in the living room with piles of dirty clothes in his hands.’’Laundry day.Pants off.’’

’’Yes ma’am,’’ Jackson shimmies out of his sweatpants with a chuckle when Youngaje tries to kick him for that nickname through the mountain of stinky laundry.’’But are we talking Dave Franco hot or young Leo DiCaprio hot?’’ Jackson squints sitting back on the couch only in his boxers.Youngjae turns around on his heel and stares at him in disbelief over a _’Fuck The Police’_ shirt that has a mustard stain on it.

’’Why the heck are you so interested in my love life? Also, I think this might be the gayest conversation we’ve had so far.’’ He shifts his weight from one foot to another staring at Jackson who only shrugs.

’’I mean, a guy has to be pretty hot for me to let him literally suck the life out of me.’’ He says matter-of-factly, turning on the TV.He scrolls through a couple of channels and stops on the one with a guy cooking a stuffed chicken.Stinky shirt slaps him across the face.

’’If I were you, I’d watch my tongue.You’re living under my roof.’’

Jackson wipes his face with a nasty grimce, bits of dry ketchup sticking to his cheek.’’Honestly, I have no idea why I’m still here ’’

’’Because you quit your modeling career and now you’re broke as fuck.’’ Youngjae shrugs with an impressive amount of nonchalance, picks up another pair of pants from the laminated floor and proceeds with his previous job of getting to the bathroom down the hallway, but not before shouting a _’And none of our friends wanted to live with you since you snort and use your shirts as napkins’_ over his shoulder.

Jackson snorts and throws himself back against the armrest, licking the corners of his lips.Giving up modeling was maybe one of the best decisions in his life.Clearly, life full of busted egos and fragile bodies wasn’t really his cup of tea.Good thing he quit when he had the chance.God knows how things would’ve been if he stayed.

’’Since we’re talking about or love lives,’’ Youngjae’s voice echoes down the hallway, cuts his train of thought abruptly, and Jackson has to turn his attention away from the TV so he can concentrate on what the younger is saying.’’I saw Mark yesterday.’’

Jackson freezes.

His heart starts beating faster, palms sweating, and he wants to beat himself up because he thought it was over.But still, every time he thinks about his miserable experience (even though that occurs much rarely than before),he still can’t help but feel a small pang in his heart upon hearing a certain blond male’s name.

Sensing that the silence has stretched on for too long, Youngjae pokes his head out from the bathroom, brows furrowed.’’Are you okay?’’ He asks as he sees Jackson sitting on the couch with his chin resting on top of his intertwined fingers, elbows propped on the coffee table.’’I thought it was f-’’

’’It is _fine_ ,’’ Jackson doesn’t mean for his voice to come off as sharp as it does so he quickly apologizes and lets out a deep breath.’’I think.’’

Youngjae is sitting beside him in seconds, hands still slightly damp as he puts his hand on Jackson’s shoulder.

’’What has even happened between you two?’’ He asks, looking at Jackson who puts his chin back on his hands again with a sullen expression on his face.’’I thought you were just fuck buddies?’’

Jackson smiles bitterly and curses himself for bringing the mood down when everything was going so well.’’Exactly.’’

Youngjae’s frown deepens  as he takes his hand away from Jackson’s shoulder, leaving a damp patch on dark gray cotton.

’’That sucks balls.’’

’’Major.’’

’’Why hadn’t you told me though?’’

Jackson shruggs because  really, he doesn’t want to start the topic all over again.Luckily, Youngjae understands.

’’You know you can talk to me right?’’ He searches Jackson’s gaze with his deep brown eyes and Jackson lets his lips twitch into a small smile.

’’Yeah, I know.’’

Of course he does.Youngjae has been by his side through thick and thin for years.This time however, his problems didn’t seem so keen on exposing themselves.

Youngjae slaps his knee and stands up abruptly.’’Okay, enough of this mushy crap.I know what we’re gonna do.’’

Jackson raises his eyebrow and leans a bit away from Youngjae because the idiot has that devilish glint in his eyes and as far as he knows Youngjae, that never means anything good.

’’What are you planning to do?’’

’’We, my friend,’’ Youngjae emphasizes the word _we_ as he sits back down, putting his left arm around Jackson’s shoulder,’’are going to crash a wedding.’’

-

’’This is a horrible fucking idea,’’ Jackson says as he and Youngjae are walking to the venue of an unknown wedding Youngjae had found out about a few days back.They are both dressed in black suits that were ordered from ebay at a lowest price, having to undergo through a major-ass cleaning to remove several suspicious stains from them.How classy.

Jackson’s blonde hair is slicked back while Youngjae let his own down so it covers his forehead making him appear younger than he actually is.

’’Don’t be a little bitch,’’ Youngjae says smiling widely.’’It’ll be fun trust me.’’

’’I don’t see how barging in someone’s wedding could be fun.We literally don’t know anyone here,’’ he says grumpily as he scans a horde of anonymous people all dressed as nice as them, even though their suits probably cost more than Jackson’s six month salary (that he doesn’t get cause he has no job, but the point is there.)

’’That’s the best part.You can do whatever you want and no one will judge you.’’ Youngjae takes Jackson’s hand in his and pulls him to the big white building with black and pink balloons and a banner that says _'Congratulations Suji and Taecyeon!’_

'’At least no one important and that we know,’’ he adds after a moment, still dragging Jackson with him like a mother does to a whining child.

Jackson groans, clutching a box of cigarettes in his front pocket.

’’Let loose.Live a little,’’ Youngjae says more quietly because they are getting closer to the place where the wedding is held and there is a ton of people around them.

Jackson wants to slap his best friend and tell him that he can’t _let loose_ because this suit feels like a concrete block on his body, but his words get momentarily stuck in his throat when he sees a man standing couple of feet from them, his broad shoulders seemingly blocking the sun as if his grin isn’t as blinding to make up for it.He has sharp, dark eyes and a dozen of piercing on his ears, his outfit very stylish with black blazer on top of a light grey t-shirt that’s tucked into his black pants.

He swallows thickly, but this time around doesn’t protest when Youngjae pulls him towards the venue.

-

Jackson’s three margaritas and one piece of cake away from admitting to himself that he’s actually having a great time.Add one more bottle of alcohol to that and he may even admit it to Youngjae.

Even though he doesn’t know the newly wedded, nor anyone else of the guests, he thinks that everything is very nice.

For starters the venue is big.Huge.Jackson actually managed to get lost once when he needed to get to the bathroom until he stumbled on Youngjae who looked equally as lost.

 

_’’This place is like a castle,’’ Youngaje whistles while looking around.Jackson nods, sipping his margarita._

_’’And this drink is bomb,’’Jackson exclaims pointing his index finger to the wide rimmed glass in his hand.’’I still can’t figure out what these small, green, eyeball looking things are but I ate like three.’’_

_Youngjae stares at him in disbelief.’’Those are olives, Jackson.’’_

_Jackson’s eyes almost bulge out of his head as he spits the remains of the olive back in the glass._

_’’Why the fuck would someone put a vegetable in a drink?’’ He asks with such amount of disgust that someone might have thought he was referring to his grandma’s pink eye._

_’’First off all, olives are fruit not vegetable.Second, because it’s fancy.’’_

_’’Well excuse me for not being fancy and sipping fruit dipped in alcohol on daily basis.’’_

The ceremony was also quite charming, even though the priest looked like he wanted to get it over and done with as soon as possible.The bride, Suji, looked very elegant in her white, strapless gown (or dress, however you wanna call it.It’s not like Jackson’s  an expert in womens’ clothing) that was decorated with grey sakura branches coming from the bottom with tiny, pink flowers on each branch.She walked down the isle with _Pharrell’s-Happy_ playing and Jackson had to roll his eyes on that one because it was so 2013.

They did the first dance and cut the cake and people were crying and he might have shed a tear or two when the best man read his wishes for the couple.But just because he had one too many of those margaritas.

-

He’s leaning against the bar, looking at the crowd of dancing bodies and feeling slightly tipsy, when a man dressed in a grey suit approaches him.He looks oddly familiar.

’’Bride or groom?’’ He asks with a timid smile on his thin lips and Jackson stares at him for about ten seconds before _oh shit_.It’s the guy he saw when they were entering the venue.He doesn’t know if he should thank the heavens or ask the ground to swallow him whole.

’’Well you see,’’ he starts, twirling the glass in his hand and looking at the man whose smile grows, shoving a row of white teeth.

’’A _crasher_ then?’’ He offers,  smile never leaving his lips and Jackson stares a second too long at the two moles underneath the man’s left eyebrow.

’’We were in the neighborhood,’’ Jackson’s smile is sheepish.He quickly covers it with the rim of his glass as he takes a large gulp of the bitter drink.

’’I see.Who’s _we_?’’ The stranger asks with a slightly raised eyebrow, smile turning in a smirk and Jackson feels the heat in his body igniting into a slow burn.

’’Me and my friend-’’

’’Wang, you need to see this.They have a chocolate fountain and I might’ve just had a mini orgasm-Oh hello!’’

’’Youngaje.’’ Jackson finishes, rubbing the bridge of his nose as his best friend approaches them, half bitten chocolate strawberry in hand.

’’And who might you be?’’ Youngjae grins broadly, eyeing the male from his toes to his head not-so-subtly.Without particulary minding Youngjae shamelessly checking him out, the handsome man stretches his arm out for a handshake.

’’Im Jaebum.’’

’’Nice name.’’ Jackson half mutters, his comment muffled by the glass, however still heard by the taller male.

’’Nice suit.’’ Jaebum smirks, eyeing Jackson more subtly than Youngjae did to him but it still makes Jackson almost choke and spit his drink out.

He only nods curtly in response and downs the rest of the liquor, feeling the alcohol warm his insides pleasantly. Youngjae asks him if he wants to try some chocolate strawberries which Jackson declines halfheartedly.The other is gone in a heartbeat, already chatting  with some of the guests that probably have no idea who he is but pretend that they do out of pure politeness.

Jackson debates weather or not he should pour himself another glass of margarita, but opts not to do so as the ground dips beneath his feet when tries to rest against the bar more comfortably.

’’Whoa,careful.’’ Jaebum catches him by his forearms, letting Jackson lean heavily against him.Jackson’s suddenly very much aware of the heat that’s radiating off Jaebum’s body, warming him even more as if he wasn’t heated already in this godawful suit.

’’Maybe you should sit,’’ Jaebum says, voice smooth like silk and close to Jackson’s ear.Jackson feels the ground crumble underneath his feet.He nods slowly, fighting the sudden dizziness.’’Yeah, you should definitely sit.’’ With a chuckle, Jaebum steers the tipsy male along with him, sitting him down on one of the many satin decorated chairs.

’’I’m not drunk,’’ Jackson slurs and is hundred percent sure that he isn’t.Tipsy, yes.But certainly not drunk enough to not be aware of his surroundings and a male who is now kneeling in front of him, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

’’You had some frosting there.’’ Jaebum explains, smiles warmly, and Jackson feels his insides dissolve into all those margaritas he drank.Jaebum’s eyes are dark and sharp, like a pair of onyxes glistening under the purple lights of the wedding venue.However, they still hold a certain amount of warmness to them and it makes Jackson regret not being completely sober so that he can remember them clearly when he wakes up in the morning, alone.

’’Well that’s embarrassing,’’ Jackson mumbles and runs his tongue over his lips subconsciously thinking it’s the trick of light when those obscure eyes follow the movement.He clears his throat and tries to bring his world back to focus.

’’So, is your job to sober up the guests?’’ Jackson’s voice is husky, throat aching from the amount of alcohol that passed through it, only realizing how stupid his question is when it already slips his tongue, filling Jaebum’s eyes with amusment.

’’Actually, my job is to take pictures of them,’’ he says and points in the direction of one of the tables where a whole photographic equipment is spread out.Jackson stares at the black camera that’s trice the size of his hand and thinks how much of a bitch that must be to carry around.

’’Why aren’t you doing your job then?’’ He hiccups and squints at the male who’s still kneeling before him, no trace of discomfort in those piercing orbs.

’’Because I’m sobering you up.’’

The blunt remark leaves Jackson mind blank for a moment, stuck between gulping the whole bottle of alcohol down his throat or just pretending that the tingle going down his spine is only an effect of the above-mentioned.

But even tipsy, Jackson knows very well how this could end.

As said before, he has watched _a lot_ of rom-coms to know that meeting a beautiful stranger on a random wedding leads to nothing more than a night of passionate, slightly awkward and disoriented ( thanks to alcohol ) sex, which further leads to early rising, clothes gathering and finally resolves in a major walk of shame at five in the morning.

Jackson lets those thoughts consume him.The red lights are going off in his head, telling him to back off if he doesn’t want to go through the same thing again because even if drunk, he knows that he’d easily be able to fall into this.

’’You don’t have to,’’ he rasps and makes a pitiful atempt to stand up only to sway and fall back onto the chair.He feels nausea in the pit of his stomach. Jaebum's hand rests on his knee, burning through the thick fabric.

’’But I want to.’’

Jackson doesn’t meet his eyes, doesn’t let himself that kind of luxury by averting his gaze elsewhere.And just like a curse from above, the mass of dancing bodies dilutes and Jackson almost falls off the chair when he sees that familiar mess of platinum blond hair and a leisure smile on those pink lips.He feels the bile at the back of his throat and washes it down with a glass of something he finds on the table.Vodka.

He doesn’t have time to grimace at the strong, unpleasant taste in his mouth that’s already drowning his reasonable side of thinking as he puts his cold hand over Jaebum’s warm one that’s still resting over his thigh.The other male looks at him through a row of thick lashes, query falling over his face like a veil.

’’Dance with me.’’ It’s not a question, it’s an order.Jackson tries to pull Jaebum with him on the dance floor, almost tripping over his own feet.His body collides with Jaebum’s, face right in the crook of his neck.The musky scent of some unknown cologne mixed with a tinge of sweat enters his nostrils, his smell receptors falling into a complete frenzy.

Jaebum grips his hips as if to steady him, but the action backfires and only brings their heated bodies closer.Invisible borders that were between them seep into nothingness.Jackson feels a roll of sweat cascade down his back.

’’I don’t think you are in any condition to dance.’’ Jaebum’s voice is low and distructive, its sultry undertone pulling Jackson closer at the same time as it’s pushing him away, warning him to _stop this before it gets out of hand_.

Jackson raises his head from the crook of Jaebum’s neck, trying his best to pull his mind back to reality.He glances over Jaebum’s shoulder and sees Mark in the crowd people, chatting the night away with a mahogany haired guy, his face too close to his to be considered as just friendly and his bony hand low on Mark’s back to be taken only as an innocent gesture.

He feels the corners of his eyes sting.

’’Please...Just dance with me,’’ Jackson breaths out.

The brittleness of those words makes Jaebum lower his gaze to meet Jackson’s eyes that are still focused somewhere behind his back.He doesn’t object further and pulls Jackson to the dance floor, catching him twice when he stumbles.

’’So stubborn...’’ Jaebum mutters with a small chuckle, his previously worried eyes now filled with mirth.Jackson doesn’t say anything as he finds stability in the way that Jaebum holds him close and sways their bodies in a lazy pace.

There is still nausea somewhere in the back of his throat and dizziness in his head, but it gets repressed easily when he looks up accidentally and catches Jaebum’s gaze.

Time abruptly stops to a halt.People around them disappear like a puff of smoke that’s been blown away by the wind.Through the haze of his mind he sees only Jaebum, feels only Jaebum’s hands on his hips, thumbs tentatively circling his hipbones.Lights around them dim, whereas the flame slowly ignites in Jaebum’s eyes.For that single moment, there’s no bad memories and disappointing experiences. There's no heart aches and frustration with unrequited love.And most importantly, there’s no Mark Tuan.

So Jackson falls easily, yet again, and tells himself _only this last time_ before he connects his lips with Jaebum’s.

-

The vase falls from the nightstand and breaks into millions of pieces.With the distant sound of broken faience, pent up tension gets ripped apart as if sliced by a blade.

Jaebum disconnects their mouths, warm breath still caressing over Jackson’s parted lips.Jackson’s eyebrows furrow, his eyes still closed as he chases Jaebum’s mouth with his own blindly.

’’Wait,’’ Jaebum rasps, breath coming out in short pants.His gray shirt is untucked from his black pants, the blazer long forgotten somewhere by the front door.

Jackson opens his eyes which are glazed over and filled with arousal that dilutes his pupils into the blackness of his orbs.

’’You’re drunk.’’ Jaebum says somewhat firmly, but his eyes trace Jackson’s red lips as the shorter male runs his tongue over them subconsciously.One of Jaebum’s hands is holding Jackson by the hip firmly as if to steady him, however, the other one is settled on Jackson’s nape, pulling him closer.

And it’s a powerfull pull.It’s magnetic.Jackson feels the hairs at the back of his neck stand up.

’’So are you.’’ Jackson points out in a slight slur, kissing his way up Jaebum’s neck before leaving a small bite into Jaebum’s brisk jawline.The taller male shudders.

’’Yeah,’’ he gasps when Jackson gently sucks on a patch of skin just beneath his left ear.’’And- _shit_ -It wouldn’t be nice of me to take advantage of you.’’ He grabs Jackson by the hair and tries to pry him off his neck but Jackson lets out a deep groan and bites harder into Jaebum’s skin.

’’Yeah, same.’’ Jackson’s words lack real determination as he finally pulls away from the abused flesh that’s now decorated with a line of scarlet bruises, gaze immediately drawn to Jaebum’s lips.The dark haired male leans in, their noses bumping with the lack of coordination from both sides.

’’We should stop.’’ Jaebum’s voice is hoarse, sending a delicious shiver down Jackson’s spine.Contrary to his own words, Jaebum brushes their lips in a feather-like sweep.

’’Totally.’’ Jackson agrees halfheartedly, only to smash his lips onto Jaebum’s seconds after.The force of the bruising kiss sends Jaebum backwards, the back of his knees hitting the bed and they both fall in a mess of limbs on the soft mattress.

But the kiss doesn’t break.

Their lips stay connected like two different ends of a magnet, pulled together by nothing more than a raw force of aching arousal.

Jackson straddles Jaebum, strong tights trapping Jaebum’s hips between them.The friction that emerges when their hardening flesh brushes against one another is intoxicating.

’’Shit.’’ Jaebum gasps and tips his head back when Jackson grinds their hips slowly, almost tentatively.

Almost like he’s holding back.

And maybe he _is_ holding back.

Somewhere at the back of his mind, far away from all this cluster of drunken passion that leaves his head spinning, is still a voice that tells him to _back away and leave._ He almost does.Almost stands right up to leave without a trace until he looks down and sees the man underneath him.

Jaebum with his jet black hair that’s slowly starting to stick to his forehead caused by the sweat that’s rolling down his temples. Jaebum with his soft, kiss swollen lips that are parted just enough to allow small puffs of air to come out.Jaebum with his long lashes that flutter open, dark piercing eyes appearing beneath them that struck Jackson right in the chest.Right in a place that’s been hurting for quite a while, never seeming to stop.Those genial eyes that freeze him in place and bound him with invisible strings of attachment that he swore he’d never let tie him again.

But here he is, captured and captivated.

He doesn’t register Jaebum’s closeness until there’s a soft kiss pressed to the corner of his mouth. Jaebum stares at him keenly while Jackson is blinking rapidly, his vision blurring slightly by the corners.

’’Are you okay?’’

_I’m all but that._

Jackson nods slowly when words seem to stick to his throat, burning the tip of his tongue like acid.

’’I think I’m drunk.’’ Jackson mutters, rubbing his eyes.

’’I think so too.’’ Jaebum’s smile is warm like the sun that’s soon going to break out on the horizon.Jackson feels sudden exhaustion creeping up on him and he leans heavily on the other male for the up-tenth time tonight.The comfort of Jaebum’s pulse beating in his ear, loud and erratic, envelops him with open arms.

’’I’m sorry,’’ Jackson mumbles with a yawn, like a toddler that’s fighting on the edge of sleep and consciousness.Jaebum chuckles, the vibrations travelling through Jackson’s body as well.He threads his fingers into Jackson’s hair.

’’It’s okay.It happens,’’ Jaebum says, probably referring to the fact that they’re still semi-hard and aroused, pressed so close to one another that Jackson can feel every part of Jaebum’s body on his own.

’’No,’’ Jackson mumbles in protest.’’For breaking your vase.’’

Jaebum lowers his head to say something, but a soft snore interrupts him and shifts his frown into a gentle smile.

-

As soon as he cracks his eyes open, Jackson swears he’ll never drink again.

There’s a horrible throb behind his temples, as if somebody had hammered a couple of nails into his skull while he was asleep.His throat is so dry that he can’t even swallow the nasty morning spit so he only smacks his lips once, immediately scrunching his face in disgust when his nose catches a whiff of his repellent morning breath.

His eyelids drop over his drowsy eyes like a pair of blinds, shielding them away from the gentle rays of sun that had leaked into the room.

_Wait.Room?_

His eyes snap open  as he sits upright with an equally abrupt motion, his head screaming in protest.

He scans his surroundings only to note that he, in fact, isn’t in his own bed.And it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that this room isn’t his, judging by it’s tidiness  in comparison to his own that looks more like a byre than an actual bedroom with a living human in it.

He bends his knees under the dark gray comforter, propping his elbows on them.His head falls limply into his hands as if it were loosely attached to his neck by strings.But It’s not for long that his temporary amnesia passes, black hole in his brain filling up to let all the past night’s events rush into his head, knocking him over with the realization of just what he almost did last night.Or _who_.

He lets out a groan of frustration with an urge to flop back into the comfortable covers but prevents himself from doing so, knowing very well that if he lays down now, he won’t be able to get up until the next sunrise.

He tries to look for his phone,  patting the space around himself and almost falling out of the bed when he realizes that he’s in nothing more than his boxers.He scrambles out of the mess of sheets, legs tangling into the soft comforter, as soon as he catches sight of his black pants, folded neatly on the chair by the door.Relief washes over him like a warm downpour when his fingers palpate the hard plastic of his phone case.

 _And then_ , he cringes inwardly when he sees twenty seven missed calls from Youngjae.

Speaking of the devil, the phone starts buzzing in his hand, picture of his best friend dressed as Paris Hilton for a _Halloween_  party three years ago coming into full view.

He would’ve laughed if his head didn’t feel like it was about to split open in half.The only thing that splits however, is his left eardrum when Youngjae’s voice bursts though the speaker.

’’Where the hell are you Wang Jackson?!’’

The blond male pulls the phone away from his ear to prevent it from further damage.

’’Honestly,’’ he says, voice still raspy and thick with sleep,’’I have zero fucking clue.’’

There is a long pause on the other end.’’What do you mean you _have zero fucking clue_?!’’

Jackson groans, pulling the phone away again as he makes himself comfortable on the floor.

’’Can you like, stop shouting.My head is about to burst.’’ He runs a hand down his face, feeling the roughness of his skin underneath the calloused digits.

’’Oh it’s going to burst alright,’’ Youngjae grits through his teeth,’’ When I punch the living daylights out of you.’’

The blonde haired male rubs the bridge of his nose, trying to soothe the pain that’s hammering his head like a lumberjack.

’’Can you somehow figure out where you are?’’ Youngjae’s voice softens with a sigh, and only then is Jackson able to catch plain worry and exhaustion in the younger’s tone.

’’On the floor.’’

’’Jackson, I swear to God-’’

Despite himself, Jackson chuckles because this whole thing is _ridiculous._ He’s in a stranger’s apartment, sitting on a disturbingly clean floor in nothing but his boxers, with the queen of all the hangovers drumming through his head like there’s no tomorrow.

And maybe there won’t be, if Youngjae decides to act upon his animalistic urges.

’’Okay, okay,’’ he lets his head lull back, chuckles dying down in his aching throat.’’I’ll try my best.’’

’’Call me when you figure it out and I’ll come pick you up,’’ there’s a moment of silence.’’Screw that, I’ll _call you_ in fifteen minutes.And you better _pick up_.’’

’’You don’t have a car.’’ Jackson points out, his hungover and sleep deprived mind getting only as much information as its capacity allows it at the moment.He stands up slowly, swaying lightly when his knees totter.

’’Jinyoung does.Shut up and get moving.’’

Jackson is about to protest, halfway with trying to put his jeans on, when Youngjae hangs up.

’’Well fuck you too.’’ He throws the phone on the bed and flips it off like the device is all to blame that he can’t get both of his legs properly into the holes of his pants.He gives up after approximately fifteen seconds of the torture and decides that, _fuck it_ , he’s going bottomless.

The apartment is actually pretty big.Like a condo.

Jackson walks through the narrow hallway with careful steps, thanking the lord when the boards don’t creek underneath his feet.The walls are decorated with different photos, but none of them hold the intimacy of a person that’s living in the apartment.They’re mostly abstract and quite artsy in Jackson’s opinion, showing nature or animals or foods or all of the above-mentioned.Some of them are black and white, others with radiant colors that make Jackson’s head spin with their intensity and vividness.He spots a few portraits of the people he’s never seen in his life before, from children to elderly, caught in the most random poses and moments. _Spontaneous_. Almost as if they hadn’t even known that their picture was being taken.For a moment, Jackson is left breathless, stuck between staying just a little longer to admire this fine work and bolting as soon as he can to avoid further humiliation. 

The living room is so bright that it leaves Jackson feeling even more exposed than he actually is.Jackson’s eyes widen in awe when he spots all the photographic equipment on the shelves, shiny black cameras lined up neatly by one another, reflecting the sun that’s hitting them through large windows.

He gets so lost in the sightseeing that he doesn’t even notice a figure, curled up uncomfortably on the couch with a thin red blanket covering their lean body.Upon seeing Jaebum’s wide shoulders and remembering how good it felt to run his palms down that back, makes Jackson’s face heat in shame.He jumps startled when Jaebum lets out a incoherent sound, something between a whine and a snort, and stirs in his sleep.

Before he can think, he makes a dash for the door,his naked legs carrying him faster than his still tired mind can process.Right when he steps outside of the light grey building, his phone buzzes.

’’Any luck?’’ This time it’s Jinyoung, his tender voice soothing Jackson’s bleeding ears.

Jackson straightens up, looks around himself again carefully with squinted eyes that are still desperately trying to adjust to the brightness.’’I think I’m in _Hongdae_.’’

’’You think?’’ Jackson can practically imagine Jinyoung raising his perfectly shaped eyebrow.He only manages an irritated grunt in return.

He hears Jinyoung sigh deeply.’’On the other side of the city.Great.’’

Jackson taps his foot and curses the sun for shining so brightly this morning.Or afternoon.A lady with a child passes by him, shouting out a curse his way while she covers the kid’s eyes with her hands.Jackson glances at her in query until he looks down and realizes that he’s still only in his underwear.

’’Listen,’’ Jinyoung’s voice pulls him back from his humiliation, not giving him time to dwell on it any longer,’’Get to the mall on the corner of the street.I’ll pick you up in fifteen.’’

’’Thanks.’’ Jackson replies gloomily after he ralizes that half of the Seoul has seen his boxers by now.And honestly, he’s so fed up with all of it that he can’t even bring himself to particulary care.

He puts his pants on with minimal struggle this time around, curses when he trips against the crack on the concrete and does his unfairly deserved walk of shame three blocks down the street.


	2. Chapter 2

**iii)**

   
  
---  
  
 

’’What do you mean you don’t even have his name?’’ Momo looks at him over the stack of freshly crafted photographs, hand stuck on the sticky paper while her eyes gaze at Jaebum with justified incredulity.

The dark haired male shrugs nonchalantly, almost as if he didn’t even feel disappointment as soon as he had woken up to find his bed empty, sheets still tangled in a loopy mess.

’’He left before I could ask.’’

Momo straightens up, letting out a curse under her breath when the picture sticks to her palm.She flicks her doe eyes at Jaebum, confusion imprinted into them like the tattoo on her wrist.

’’You hooked up with someone without even knowing their name?’’ Her pink lips are gaped, left hand planted on her hip which gives her a look of a scolding mother.’’Unbelievable.’’

’’Technically,’’ Jaebum snorts, eyes fixated on the lens of his camera while he tries to adjust it for the next photo shoot he has in an hour.’’We haven’t even gotten to the _hooking up_ part.’’

’’So you didn’t sleep with a complete stranger then?’’ She raises her eyebrow, hands working quickly to sort out all the photos in different categories.

’’Nope,’’ Jaebum tries to smile, though that attempt fails as soon as he remember’s last night and a frown freezes on his lips like the trial photo he takes to make sure everything is working properly.’’Just made out like mad.’’ He runs his tongue over a small split in his lips.If Momo notices the subtle movement, she doesn’t mention it.

’’He didn’t leave you a number.Not even a note?’’

Jaebum shakes his head.’’Only a box of cigarettes, but I don’t think that was intentional.’’

Momo is looking at him across the room with a, what Jaebum thinks, is a totally unnecessary and misplaced pity in her brown eyes so he clears his throat rather deeply to at least try and chase the suffocating atmosphere away.

’’Is it healing well?’’ He asks after a moment, leniently trying to steer the conversation into another direction as he tips his head to look at the black, swirling ink on the blond’s wrist.She buys it for a second.

’’It’s good, yeah.It hurt for a while but now it feels like a part of me.Which is good since it’s gonna stay there forever.’’ She smiles, eyes crinkling by the corners until sudden realization passes through.’’Don’t change the subject, Jaebum.’’

’’It was worth a try,’’ the hoarse chuckle dies down in his throat when her hard gaze softens. He swallows thickly.

’’You were really into him.’’ It’s not a question.The statement leaves Jaebum almost bare with nothing but the raw delusion that has been eating him from inside out since the morning.

’’It was a good opportunity, that’s all,’’ he lies pathetically, snapping another showcase photo and fixing the exposure that was off for some reason.

She scoffs.’’Oh please, if you were so desperate to get laid, you would’ve gone for it.’’

His eyebrows pinch together, frown hidden by the rim of his camera.’’What the fuck is wrong with this effect.’’

’’Jaebum,’’ her tone is warning and Jaebum sighs, letting the device to hang around is neck, seemingly as heavy as the suffocating air in the small photo store.

’’I hear you okay,’’ he snaps, feeling the guilt eat him up as soon as her eyes squint in remorse.He clears his throat rather awkwardly, pressing his sweaty palm against his cold nape.’’He was...something else.’’

And that’s the truth.

That’s the closest he can get to describing the blonde without getting swallowed up in the feeling of repentance for not waking up sooner or leaving some kind of a note himself. Momo senses the clear discomfort in Jaebum’s eyes fixed elsewhere to avoid her piercing gaze .She lets out a sigh that cracks the tension in the room.’’How’s your new project coming along?’’

Jaebum looks up, both grateful and taken aback by the abrupt change of the topic.

’’Haven’t even started it yet,’’ he groans in frustration, tapping his forehead against the door frame. Momo hums with understanding.

’’You still have plenty of time,’’ the corner of her lip quirks up in a smile.’’Got any ideas for the model?’’

He did actually, but it all went to hell last night.

He had a clear idea of just what he wanted to do for his last project that would possibly  get him a better job outside of this shitty photo shop.He even had a suitable model in mind (well as suitable as they get with their thin frames and egos bigger than their brains).It was all pretty much set.

Until he met _him._

All the ideas and plans flew out of his head as soon as he had seen him leaning against the bar, drink in hand, with that curious gaze scanning everything around him as if seeing it for the first time.Suddenly, all those picture perfect model faces seemed so bland in comparison.

’’I was thinking Mark Tuan.’’ Jaebum says, fixing the background for the set.His hands are trembling slightly, the pressure to get this right clawing at his insides and making him almost forget to change the lens of the camera.

Momo puts the photos she has been working on in one of the plastic boxes, eyes shifting to Jaebum just enough so she could scan over him quickly, noting his rigid posture.’’Fishing for the big ones, I see.’’ She smiles timidly.’’You don’t seem so enthusiastic about all of this.’’

Of course he doesn’t.

The project is due to next month, and if doesn’t get his lazy ass moving he’ll lose one of the best opportunities in his life.

’’You know my thoughts on models.’’

Momo snorts.’’Should’ve picked a different profession then.’’

Jaebum stops, looks at the blank white background before him and mumbles under his breath.’’Or a different model.’’

He hears her exhale softly, the sound of it falling much heavier onto his chest than he had thought it would.She packs her bag hastily, slinging it over her left shoulder.In a few seconds there is a chaste kiss planted on his cheek and it brings him out of the trance to look at her

’’What?’’ He asks grumpily.She grins.

’’Maybe your _almost one night_ stand would be interested in modeling for you,’’ she winks and pats his back reassuringly while he scoffs but the thought sticks to the back of his brain like a parasite.

’’Well that option is out of the picture since he evaporated without a trace,’’ he half-murmurs and doesn’t think she even hears him.

’’You could always take a photo of that cigarette box and put it on _Craigslist_ to lure in the owner,’’ she shouts with a chuckle, walking backwards before pushing the glass door open with her backside with large grin gracing the soft features of her face.

He flips her of halfheartedly, shouting _’Say hi to Jungyeon for me!’_

The only response he gets is a middle finger in return and a playful bounce of her blonde locks as she jogs down the street.

Jaebum tries to make final adjustments to the whole set until the clock ticks and his clients come.He tries. Really, really hard.But somehow, a picture of a sleeping blond male constantly tickles his mind, dances before his eyes and settles into one of the many hollows in his brain.

-

’’You need to take me back, Jiynoung.’’ Jackson all but whines in the other male’s ear couple of days later as soon as Jinyoung steps into their apartment for the movie night.Youngjae is out, celebrating his new job promotion so Jackson planned to relax with his other best friend.That was until he noticed his little box went missing.

Jinyoung stops twirling his keys around his index finger and fixes the blonde with a look that could kill.He looks like he is an eyelash away from slamming Jackson’s head against the wall.

’’I need to do what now?’’

’’Jinyoungie,’’ Jackson pouts, connects his palms in a prayer in front of his face.’’I need to go back to that dude’s place.Like, right now.’’

Jinyoung slumps his shoulders, plants hands on his hips and it reminds Jackson so much of those times his mother used to scold him.’’Why? Have you forgotten something there other than your dignity?’’

Jackson gasps.Sometimes he forgets that under Jinyoung’s mask of warm, domestic security lies a nucleus of pure sass.

’’I’m going to let this insult slide,’’ Jackson straightens up, but Jinyoung honestly looks like he doesn’t care if it _slides_ or not.In fact, he looks even deadlier as seconds pass by.’’I forgot my cigarettes, okay?’’

Jinyoung blinks.Then he laughs, dry and humorless.

’’You seriously want me to drive back for thirty minutes just so you could pick up your box of _cancer on the go_?’’ He pulls off his shoes, turns around as if the discussion is over.Jackson has a feeling that it is for the older male.That’s why he rushes to block Jinyoung from entering the living room, putting his hand on the door frame .Jinyoung raises his eyebrow.

’’I need them.’’

’’Jesus Jackson, I’ll buy you a new pack.’’

’’You don’t understand!’’ Jackson groans and runs a hand through his hair.’’ Those weren’t meant for smoking.They bring me luck.’’

Jinyoung looks at him like he’s just grown out another pair of eyes before he rolls his own and ducks under Jackson’s arm to enter the room.He snorts and picks up an apple from the bowl.’’Luck?’’ He bites into it.’’Couldn’t you go with, I don’t know, a horseshoe like any other human being?’’ He says over a mouthful.

Jackson pads around the room with clear frustration written all over his face before he stops to stare at the older male.’’Yeah, because carrying a hoof of an animal in your back pocket is _totally_ _normal._ ’’

Jinyoung looks just about ready to throw another remark at him before Jackson covers his mouth with his palm.

’’Listen.They were Mark’s, okay?’’ Jackson chews on his bottom lip nervously and Jiynoung’s eyes soften.’’And I know it’s pathetic, but since I’ve managed to let him go, I wanted to keep at least one thing that belonged to him.’’

He prys his hand from Jinyoung now red stained lips, and waits for the other male to laugh in his face and tell him to grow up.However, he doesn’t expect Jinyoung to exhale soundly, nudge Jackson’s lips with the fruit until the younger has no other choice but to open his mouth and bite into it.

Jinyoung is suddenly looking at him with disarming sympathy.’’I’ll just add this one to the _You Owe Me_ list.’’

Jackson almost chokes on his apple juice spit when he tries to thank him verbally.

-

When he first entered the wonderful world of photography, Jaebum thought that taking pictures of fruit and random people on the street would be enough to book him a job as a professional photographer for any famous label.

Can’t really blame his naivety though.It was the early 2000s.The phones still looked like calculators and Christina Aguilera had those _god forbid_ dark highlights in her platinum hair, and he himself, was just at the threshold of the adulthood. Jaebum had been foolish and intoxicated with the ideology that if you wish really hard for something, you’ll eventually get it.

Fortunately, this phase of utter profession obliviousness was passable, and soon enough he discovered that not everything in life was fair.

And yeah, some asshole who had zero knowladge in photography, who couldn’t even hold a damn camera properly, booked a better job than him just because his uncle or whatever knew the head of the company.But that hadn’t stopped Jaebum from trying, resolving with him practically begging on his knees in front of the CEO to give him just one chance in proving himself.

And boy, did he get it.

His _one chance_ had flaming red hair, pale face, the most dazzling smile Jaebum had ever seen in his life and went by the name of Mark Tuan.

Fresh in the modeling industry himself, with a face carved from stone, and body suited as _’beautiful’_ by all the higher-ups, Mark soon became the golden child of a largest fashion company in the city, making him very succsessful, very fast.

The redhead had it all.Except passion for his profession.

At first, Jaebum tried to lead the way, telling the older male how he should pose and what he should do, but the other (never lacking a certain amount of arrogance as well) always tended to do things his way.The wrong way.The way that made Jaebum lose his spot as the potential famous photographer he oath to become.Something snapped in his head that day when his portfolio was declined with a very polite _’fuck off’_ by the CEO ( _’’Mark is a professional, I’m sure he would have been able to follow your instructions if they had been right)_.Jaebum had the urge to return the curse without the all in-between line reading, but opted not to do so, offering them all a wide grin and burning the pictures as soon as he had gotten home.

Thoroughly disappointed by the experience, he returned to his fruit and his anonymous passengers, coming to the sad conclusion that one apple will forever hold more fervor than any model he would ever work with.

At that time, Jaebum so desperately wanted to change that, and he was sure he wasn’t the only one.But it seemed impossible when the society had already been poisoned by the _’standards of beauty’_

’’Bullshit.’’ He tells this to Momo over the phone as he is simultaneously cleaning up the set.’’It’s all bullshit.’’

She sighs.’’And yet you book another photo shoot with that same Mark Tuan two years later.’’

Jaebum drops the light and curses loudly.’’It’s because I don’t have a fucking choice.’’She keeps silent on the other line.He almost feels bad, but  the knowledge of going against his own ideals makes his blood boil in his veins.’’Our job in the shop is going awfully.I haven’t even payed you for last month-’’

’’Money isn’t the problem.’’ She cuts him sternly, just like she does every time when finances are involved in their conversation.

’’Yeah, when your girlfriend is a pharmacologist,’’ he voice heavy with bitterness.’’ Jungyeon will always have a job as long as there are ill people.Our profession however, might as well throw it out of the goddamn window.’’

He knows she is a thread away from being royally pissed off at him.He would be too.Maybe he does need a bit of yelling his mother lacked to offer, always telling him he is her _perfect boy,_ and spoiling his little ass.

’’Then give up,’’ she says, voice barely above a whisper.It makes him stop, leave the light on the ground and heave a deep breath.’’Leave everything you worked so hard for just for the sake of some stupid, stuck-up model who can’t seem to pull his face out of his ass and notice that he isn’t above everyone else.And all the others that are like him.’’

Jaebum clenches his jaw, fist following soon after.

There is a short pause filled with padding of, what seems, socked feet against the wooden floor.Shuffling on the other line.’’Hey, Jaebum.’’

He lets out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding in, lips twitching into a gentle smile.’’Hey, Jungyeon. Sorry for pissing Momo off.’’

The female chuckles softly.’’ You shouldn’t be apologizing to me.’’

’’Yeah, but you’ll have to keep up with her for a while.’’

’’You really are an asshole sometimes.’’ There is a laugh under her words and Jaebum lets out a chuckle as well, despite the foul mood.

’’Been called worse things.’’

’’Like?’’

’’Talented.’’

She groans.

He tries to pick up the light again, but it falls on his foot and he curses louder, deciding to leave it and walk away to the desk, in order to sort out the photos from today.

’’I don’t see the problem, really.’’ She says and Jaebum wants to reply with _’of course, cause you work with drugs and chemicals and probably can’t tell a difference between sepia and orange tint’_ , but bites his tongue and deletes twenty pictures that all look the same and awful.

’’It’s not that simple-’’

’’Why don’t you just hire an amateur or something?’’

’’I told you, it’s not that sim- _Oh_.’’

’’Oh,’’ she mimics his bewilderment, then giggles.’’I’m sure you already have someone on your mind.’’ And it shouldn’t sound like she knows something, but she probably does more than he’s willing to admit to himself.He can practically hear Momo’s evil laughter in the background followed by _’’you’re welcome, Loverboy.’’_

’’Traitor,’’ he yells into the receiver, earning a full blown laugh in return.’’I take that she isn’t mad then?’’ Jaebum groans at the pictures inwardly because they are all _wrong._ The brightness is wrong, the background is wrong, the poses are wrong.He is wrong for always calling out new models to photo shoots thinking that maybe some of them have that _something_ that makes them more like living human beings rather than pale skinned robots.

’’She says _brunch tomorrow on you and she’ll think about it_.’’

’’Gold digger.’’

Jungyeon is laughing, they both are while Momo is trying to pry the phone from her girlfriend’s grip, failing miserably.

’’You think about it Im Jaebum- _ouch stop biting me, Momo_ \- and don’t worry, everything will be fine!’’

The line goes dead abruptly, leaving Jaebum in silence.And it’s not a tense silence as it was before, now filled with strange kind of serenity that came with finally having some kind of idea of what he’s going to do for his big, skyrocket project.

The only problem is finding a certain male he met at a wedding  couple of days ago.Maybe if he seriously went to _Craigslist_ -

Sudden jingle of a wind chime above the door cuts his train off thoughts as abruptly as they came.

’’Sorry, you’re Jaebum right?’’ The voice is nervous and Jaebum has yet to peel his eyes away from the hideous photos previously taken.’’I think I left something of mine at yours by accident.I’m Jackson Wang by the way...if it rings any bells.’’

Jaebum’s ears perk up at the mention of an unknown name said in a very familiar voice, eyes finally landing on the _stranger_ by the door.For a second, he swears he hears the angels sing.And he must’ve gotten pretty blitzed by the camera lights earlier or something because there he is, the blond he met at a wedding, all in flesh and bone (and black tee and washed out jeans but that’s beside the point), standing with one of his hands in his pocket and one scratching uncomfortably behind his neck.

When he tries to speak, Jaebum’s throat feels like stuffed with cotton.

Jackson lets out a nervous chuckle.’’Should I come later, is this the bad time?’’

’’No!’’ Jaebum exclaims so suddenly that Jackson jumps a bit startled.Jaebum clears his throat, feels the heat of embaresment climb up his neck.’’I mean no, it’s okay.What did you forget?’’

A pack of cigarettes.He knows that already.Keeps them on top of the shoe rack in his apartment.At first, he thought about throwing them away or smoking a couple by himself for the sake of old college days but eventually decided against it, remembering how he almost chocked once.

_’Wasn’t that by weed though?’_

_Not now, brain._

’’I know this sounds stupid, but I left my pack of cigarettes,’’ the blonde runs a hand through his hair, that nervous smile still splitting his face in half and Jaebum can’t help but think how all those models have absolutely nothing on him.As if comparing a blank canvas to the most beautiful painting ever made.’’They were given to me by someone I really cared about, still do actually and-’’ he stops and shakes his head with a somewhat of a somber expression ’’Do you still have them by any chance?’’

His nose is a thumb long, perfect distance between his eyebrows, lips more on the thinner side but still very charming, and his body...had been groped and didn’t disappoint-

’’Jaebum?’’

_You’re an idiot_

Jaebum quickly shakes his head, closes the laptop and manages a friendly smile.’’Yeah, it’s upstairs in my apartment.’’ Clear relief washes over Jackson’s features.

’’Great! Can we go grab it, my friend’s waiting for me.He's probably gonna chew me alive if I take too long,’’ he vaguely gestures with his head at the direction of a black BMW, parked at the entrance. Jaebum can’t see the driver well since the window’s are tinted

Jaebum nods, hands working hurriedly to pack everything in his messenger bag before slinging it over his shoulder.’’Lucky you, I’m just locking up.’’

As he zips up his bag, he can’t seem to stop thinking how utterly insane this whole situation is.

’’So the photo store is connected to your apartment.That’s cool.’’ Jackson says absentmindedly as they walk up the narrow staircase leading up to Jaebum’s front door.’’But you have two entries right? I didn’t use this one when I was...’’ Jackson trails off and Jaebum feels that same heat from before warming the tips of his ears.

He  clears his throat, adjusting the bag that is hanging over his shoulder and pulling out his keys.’’Yeah, I use this one mostly.The other is for guests and family.’’

’’Cool.’’

’’Yeah.’’

Awkward silence is accompanied by clinging of keys against the lock.It’s stuck. Jaebum curses silently.

’’Everything okay?’’ Jackson asks.

’’Yeah, yeah, they’re a bit rusty.The keys I mean, not my fingers.They're fine.’’

Jackson snickers, obviously holding in his laughter and Jaebum has the urge to just casually roll himself down the staircase, break a bone or two, maybe die.

He takes a deep breath and tries to turn the key around one more time, almost doing a victory dance when the lock clicks, door opening.He mentally curses himself for not putting the box further in his apartment so that he could spend a moment longer with the blonde.

’’Here they are,’’ he grins, waving the box almost proudly in his palm.

’’Thanks man, you’re a life saviour.’’

Jaebum doesn’t beam at that.Not at all.

’’I should get going.Thanks once again.’’ Jackson offers him a thousand watt smile that even puts sun to shame and turns around on his heel, already three steps down.

_No.No.NO.He’s slipping away.Huston I think we have a problem._

’’H-hey!’’ Jaebum’s voice breaks, embarassingly so, but it does the job as Jackson stops to look at him with a raised eyebrow.

’’Yeah?’’

Jaebum licks his lips nervously, removes a few strands of hair that have fallen into his eyes.It seemed easy in his head, to ask Jackson if he wanted to model for him.But now, with the actual person standing not even a few meters away, the words melt in his brain before they even get a chance to leave his mouth.

It had all been easier, when there was alcohol in his system. Momo always tells him he gets quite loose when he’s tipsy.Now he knows exactly what she means by that.

Jackson is still staring at him with those chocolate browns of his and if he wasn’t thinking about ten ways to take his own life after this awkwardness, Jaebum would be turning into a putty by now.

_He thinks you’re a freak say something._

’’Do you have any experience with modeling?’’

Jackson doesn’t look _that much_ taken-aback, which is a good thing.However, there is a small furrow of his brows that indicates confusion.As if sensing Jaebum’s nervousness, he grins.

’’Been there done that,’’ he leans over the railing.’’They wanted me to loose a bunch of weight so I was like fuck that.That’s just sick y’know?’’

’’I get you.Never liked modeling industry myself.’’

Jackson laughs, deep and carnal and Jaebum feels himself losing every fiber of control in his being.

’’Isn’t that a bit ironic with you being a photographer and all?’’

Seeing Jackson’s wide grin, Jaebum can’t help but smile himself.’’I like photography as an art.A form of expression.I don’t like how people use it to manipulate the society in order to obtrude their own twisted standards of beauty.It’s like...I don’t know, collective brainwashing. ’’

He gets a bit carried away, as usual when he speaks about this, that he doesn’t even notice Jackson staring intensely at him at first.But when he does, he feels like he’s being stripped naked underneath the blonde’s gaze.The air is charged with strange kind of electricity.He feels it prickling his skin, showering it with goosebumps.Setting sun is casting orange hues through one of the tall windows of the small hallway, bathing them in gold. For a moment, they are at the wedding again,slow-dancing with their noses touching.

_Fuck it._

’’Would you model for me?’’ It escapes him before he can stop himself.

And there it is, that curious pull of Jackson’s eyebrows together, twisting of his lips into a line thin enough just so that Jaebum feels regret for even asking towering over him unpleasantly.

He’s ready to throw it all out of the window, bite his tongue a thousand times over while he apologizes to the other male for even suggesting such a thing when they don’t even know each other properly.So he opens his mouth-

’’Will I have to pump out my muscle mass for this?’’ Jackson tries to keep his face neutral but Jaebum sees his lips forming a smirk.

’’What-no!’’ Jaebum says quickly.He has zero clue as to why he’s so flustered all of a sudden.Must be the way Jackson is leaning over the damn railing with his biceps poking under the short-sleeved shirt he has on while Jaebum thinks God should punish him severely if he ever even thinks about making Jackson lose all of _that._ ’’It’s for my upcoming project.Big one.’’

Jackson looks genuinely curious.’’What’s the theme?’’

Jaebum has thought about it, on more occasions than one.At first he wanted to connect humans and nature, but that too seemed overly produces and plastic.So he opted for the next best thing and it involved only Adam, without his apple (nor his Eve).

’’Awakening.’’

Jackson’s eyebrows raise to his hairline.He’s biting the inside of his cheek in though and Jaebum is praying to all the forces above to grant him this one wish he has.

’’Sounds artsy, so I guess it’s good.’’

Jaebum chuckles at the blonde’s words, but doesn’t hold the grudge against them.Not everyone has _’an artsy’_ bone in their body to understand what he’s trying to portray.And it’s okay.It’s all good.As long as he gets Jackson Wang to model for him at the end of the day.

’’So what do you say?’’ He’s getting a bit impatient, tapping his foot against the tiled floors.Even if he notices him fidgeting, Jackson only smiles further and climbs up to stand in front of him again.Jaebum swallows thickly when Jackson stretches his hand out with a gentle _’may I?’_ rolling over his tongue.

It takes a bit for Jaebum’s corked mind to connect all the dots, but he gets there eventually and hands Jackson his phone with a nervous chuckle.

Jackson’s fingers are long, hands quite tortured in a manly kind of way, as if he was doing hard labor. Jaebum’s eyes trail further, over every protruded vein on his skin and he can’t help but remember how absolutely magnificent those hands felt on his feverish skin.

’’You were much less tense the last time we encountered each other.’’ Jackson’s voice snaps him right out of that dangerous place he visited for a moment, narrowing his world to a pair of chocolate brown eyes, boring into his own.

Jaebum clears his throat.’’The circumstances were different.’’

Jackson throws his head back in laughter, handing Jaebum his phone back.’’Well, If spontaneity is what you aim for, than I think it’s best if we get a bit loose and tipsy second time around.We don’t want that big project failing.’’

He has a nerve to wink, _fucking wink_ , before he’s jogging down the stairs, grinning like he owns the place.And Jaebum...Jaebum just stands at his doorstep thinking how he’s fucked.So, so fucked.

**iv)**

   
  
---  
  
When Jackson enters Jaebum’s studio apartment, _Radiohead_ is blasting through the speakers.And although he’s never been a big fan of alternative rock music, with the lights comfortably dimmed and the sight of a sun dipping into the horizon through one of the large windows, he feels like he could become one easily.

Jaebum has yet to hear him, having shouted that it’s unlocked when Jackson had knocked on the door couple of seconds before.

It shouldn’t feel like he’s home in a way, when he steps into the living room only to be greeted by a sight of Jaebum on his knees, fixing one of the lights in nothing but his ripped jeans and a cigarette dangling between his lips.The room is burnt orange.It’s beautiful.The breath gets stuck in Jackson’s throat when he makes a step forward and sees a fireball in the sky, setting everything aflame.

’’Killer view you’ve got going on here,’’ he says, still mid-dazed, lips puling into a lopsided grin when Jaebum almost lets the light fall to the ground and bangs his head on the edge of the couch.He looks at him over his bare shoulder and Jackson ignores the heat licking over his skin, hotter than thousands of suns.

’’Next time cough or something, will ya?’’ Jaebum clicks his tongue and lifts himself of the floor hastily, pulling a shirt over his head.There’s a print of some unknown band on it that Jackson’s never heard of before.His eyes get stuck on the low dip between Jaebum’s collarbones.

He grins.’’Where’s the fun in that?’’

’’Might prevent me from getting a fucking concussion.’’

They do one of those (awkward) guy handshakes and Jackson catches a half empty bottle of gin on the coffee table with a corner of his eye.He lets go of Jaebum’s hand a bit too slowly.

’’I see you’ve already got the _’loose and tipsy’_ part down.’’ Jackson jokes easily, despite his mouth feeling as if being filled with flour, preventing him to speak.’’Get me a glass too.’’

With a small _sure_ Jaebum disappears into the kitchen for a few moments, coming back with a glass and a bottle of _Coke_.

Jackson snorts.’’What? Already done for the night,’’ he clicks his tongue in disapproval.’’I’m disappointed, Jaebum.’’

The other male looks at him with a gaze full of mirth and sets the glass on the table, pushing the  bottle into Jackson’s chest.’’That’s for you,’’ coldness seeps through the thin cotton of Jackson’s grey tank top.’’So that you don’t pass out on my couch before we’re even halfway done.’’

Jackson’s mouth gape.’’You callin’ me a lightweight?’’

Though there’s no real sting to his words as he too remembers how he was draped all over Jaebum, piss-drunk after that wedding, mumbling a string of apologies into the dark haired male’s ear.He almost flushes in shame, and takes a swing of the fizzy drink.

’’I’d rather not answer that.’’ Jaebum’s laugh might as well be a cure for cancer.

Jackson likes him.Really, really likes him.

The kind of liking that could pull a shit ton of problems with it.He’s talking about the _I can’t wait to see you after I get from work in only your ripped jeans_ liking or the _I may want to model for you as long as you want me to_ liking or even the _God if I could only bend you over this fucking couch_ kind of liking.

’’Should we start? It’s getting dark.’’ Jaebum clears his throat, setting the glass back on the table and wiping his lips.Jackson snaps out of his thoughts quickly and nods.

’’Yeah, how do you want me?’’

He realizes how utterly _wrong_ that sounds as soon as the words leave his mouth.Jaebum blinks, but doesn’t call him out on it.

’’I was thinking we could take a few shots by the window, you know, pretty sunset and all.’’

’’You mean shots or _shots._ ’’ Jackson wiggles his eyebrows and glances at the still half-empty bottle of gin sitting on the table.

At first, Jackson doesn’t think that Jaebum even got his lame joke, but after a couple of short seconds Jaebum looks up and their eyes meet.Jackson momentarily gets lost in the intensity of Jaebum’s stare, wanting to avert his own gaze but failing to do so.In a few short strides, Jaebum is so close to him that Jackson is once again met with a pair of moles under his left eyebrow.The apartment is suddenly too small, air too thick, skin too tight. Jaebum looks him dead in the eye, his own pitch black and glazed over.

’’I’d take a lot of _shots_ with you,’’ he stretches his hand out, behind Jackson’s head and the other is a millisecond away from closing his eyes, ready to let himself undergo the mercy of this godly being before him, all of his self-resistance thrown out of the window.But Jaebum is only grabbing one of the cameras from the shelf behind his head, pulling away quickly as if he was never even there.

Jackson exhales soundly, running a hand through his blonde hair.

’’Shall we?’’ Jaebum asks with a wicked grin, ashes from the cigarette falling to the floor like grey snow.

’’Yeah.’’

-

Three hours later and they’re sprawled over Jaebum’s black couch, sweaty and tipsy.

The fake leather is pulling against Jackson’s skin uncomfortably, but he doesn’t dare to move, scared that he will startle snoozing Jaebum. There’s still a burning cigar trapped between Jaebum’s thin lips, so Jackson removes it slowly and presses it into the ashtrey.

Absentmindedly he pats his pocket and feels the familiar square of a box inside.And what once made him feel calmness and relief, now unsettles him more than he could’ve ever imagined.He has the sudden urge to throw that stupid thing away, just for shits and giggles, but Jaebum stirs in his sleep and soon his eyes are half open, staring up at Jackson.

’’What time is it?’’ He say, voice horase.

’’Half past eleven,’’ Jackson puts his phone back into his pocket.’’I should go.’’

’’No.’’

Jackson stops abruptly, in the middle of trying to get up from the couch with Jaebum’s legs draped over his lap.’’You want me to stay?’’

His heart does this thing where it speeds up pathetically, and Jackson has zero clue about what to do next if Jaebum says _yes_ , because Mark-

Mark never stayed.

Jaebum closes his eyes once again and lets out a sound between a groan and whine. _That’s better than a standard affirmative answer_ , Jackson thinks to himself.it’s always easier to deal with inarticulate sounds in moments like these when his heart feels like it might break his rib cage.

The blonde waits for something more, but only gets a soft snore as a reply.He shakes his head with a small smile mumbling _no more gin for you_ under his breath and pushes Jaebum’s legs off himself gently.For a few minutes he just stands there, hovering over the sleeping male, and tries not to think how absolutely easily he could get used to the evenings spent with Jaebum.

_And mornings.And days._

’’Where should I sleep?’’

A snort.

Jackson sighs and eventually settles for the floor.

-

For the course of few days that they work together on the project, Jackson finds himself really enjoying Jaebum's company.

At first, It had taken Jaebum quite a while to become comfortable, but soon enough he was cracking jokes and talking about photography like it's the best thing in the world.He even went as far as to show Jackson the best angles and lighting for different occasions.Jackson tried not to ogle the other male, though that proved to be quite hard when Jaebum was somehow always invading his personal space.

Jackson even got used to hearing a dozen of snapshots going off in a row, following Jaebum's only rule: _just don't pay attention to me._

He thought that it would be easy to fulfill, but somehow his smiles were the most genuine when he looked at the other male only.

-

It hits Jackson that Jaebum wasn’t joking at all when he named his project _Awakening._

The last week of their cooperation Jackson is floating steadily between last wisps of reality before the sleep overcomes him when there is an urgent banging on the door.He frowns, eyes still shut and ignores the intruder with a hope of them eventually going away.But to his dismay, the banging only increases and every hope for a peaceful night of sleep vanishes as soon as he strides to the door and yanks it open to reveal a very panting, very _under dressed_ , Im Jaebum.

’’Jaebum, what the fu-’’

’’Hey,’’ the other says simply, cheerfully even, as if it’s not (Jackson does a double take when he checks the clock on a nearby wall) four in the morning.

’’It’s late, what the hell are you doing here?’’

Jaebum is in a pair of sweats and a grey tank-top, the only item on him besides those deficient clothing being the camera around his neck.

’’Where are your shoes?’’ Jackson adds and averts his bewildered gaze from Jaebum’s bare feet so that he’s looking properly into Jaebum’s eyes.He expects them to be red or glassy since the other acts as if he’s high out of his mind on some bad weed, but the only thing he finds, amidst the slight dark circles, is a clear determination.

’’I left them in the car.’’

’’You drove here?’’ Jackson asks in disbelief, leaning against his door frame while trying to grasp the whole situation.He licks over his lips self consciously.

It’s Jaebum’s turn to scoff, ’’We live thirty minutes apart, do you seriously think I’d walk all the way here?’’

Truth be told, coming face to face with this rather spontaneous side of Jaebum makes Jackson doubt almost everything in life.Here he was, thinking that Jaebum was an introverted,shy photo geek, failing to socialize properly unless he had a generous amount of alcohol in him.

’’Are you drunk?’’ Jackson asks to prove his point even though Jaebum doesn’t look even a tad bit inebriated when he grins and shakes his head.

’’I am an _artist_ ,’’ he spreads his arms out dramatically as if to emphasis the word.Jackson can’t help but snicker.

’’And I’m tired,’’ the blonde says in a same manner and yawns just to get the massage across.’’So if you don’t mind-are you seriously taking a picture of me right now?!’’

Jaebum’s face is obscured by the thick lens, his hands steadily gripping the camera.’’Hold still,’’ he orders, suddenly very concentrated on his task.’’Close your eyes and tilt your head backwards-keep your hands outstretched.’’

Jaebum hesitates only a mere moment before he’s doing exactly as he was told.He ads in a boyish smile even though that was not a requirement.He feels Jaebum pause, before the camera goes off.

Jaebum doesn’t say anything as he stares at the picture, his eyebrows furrowed, mouth pulled into a delicate frown.Jackson takes his chances and stares openly at the older male, his glowing, albeit pale skin, the soft curve of his nose and a sharp line of his jaw.There aren’t many things he had found to be beautiful in his twenty five years of life, and the ones he had were often damaged beyond repair.

Jaebum is different though.He doesn’t exactly fit into the picture perfect beauty standard, with small eyes and a slightly rounder face, lanky arms and broad shoulders, but still Jackson thought how there is so much more life in him than in any model he’s ever worked with.

Like an overripe fruit, bumpy on the outside, but sweet as hell once you bite into it.

Without much thinking, Jackson moves closer. Jaebum is warm, even though their bodies aren’t touching. Jaebum moves his eyes from the camera and stares openly at Jackson who feels as if he might drown in the intensity of Jaebum’s smoldering eyes.When Jaebum grips the camera to take one more picture, Jackson grabs his hand to stop him.’’I look like a mess,’’ he murmurs, eyes glued to Jaebum’s lips.The other seems just as dazed as him, eyes unblinking, tongue darting out to wet his full lips.

Jackson’s palm is sweaty, but his grip on Jaebums doesn’t ease up.Jaebum doesn’t seem to mind.

Jackson swallows thickly,letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.’’At least let me make myself half-decent before we do this.’’

The other scrutinizes him with a raised eyebrow as if only then noticing Jackson’s Captain America boxers.

’’Interesting choice.’’ Jaebum laughs and the moment is broken.But just like every other time in the past week there is something left unsaid between them.As if they are walking on eggshells around each other, afraid of breaking them if they step the wrong way.Jackson usually makes sure to keep his distance but then something like this happens and completely throws him off.

’’Not a fan of _Marvel_?’’ Jackson leans against the door frame again casually, crossing arms over his chest.

’’Never really was into superheroes.’’

Jackson hits the wooden surface with his fist lightly,’’That’s a shame.I was just about to go save the world, but now..’’

Jaebum throws his head back in laughter before pushing Jackson into the apartment.’’Come on, I’m short on time.Move it.’’

’’And you’re just gonna hang out on my front porch?’’ Jackson asks with a raised eyebrow and an incredulous look over his shoulder.

’’I’m going to choose a location.’’

Jackson’s frown only deepens.

’’A location?’’ He snorts.’’If you haven’t noticed, I live in biggest trash of all the neighborhoods.’’

’’Don’t underastimate me.’’

There is a whole lot of determination in Jaebum’s voice some of which Jackson has no idea where it came from, though he likes it.It’s been a great pleasure watching someone do something they love with such thoroughness and commitment. Jackson missed it dearly while being in the industry.

That’s why he only smiles and shakes his head in amusement.’’Fine.Just don’t make me climb on thing’s and we’ll be good.’’

-

They don’t climb anything major per say, if you exclude a twenty five story building.

’’Fuck that.’’ Jackson all but shudders when he looks over the edge of the roof they currently standing on and sees cars passing by below them like tiny ants.

’’Just a few shots,’’ Jaebum says, eyes large and pleading and Jackson is really torn between his acrophobia and an undying will to obey everything that the other suggests.

’’If I die-’’

’’You won't."

’’Please water my ficus.’’

Jaebum  closes his mouth and tilts his head, amusement evident on his face.’’That’s the only thing you have to say as your death wish?’’

Jackson thinks it over for a few moments than ads ’ _and feed Youngjae’_ with yet another full body shudder as he looks down.

Jaebum chuckles and moves further from him.’’Will do,’’ he pauses, back turned from Jackson seemingly staring at the light grey sky pensively for a moment.’’We should wait a few more moments for the sun to come up.’’

Jackson  nods even though the other can’t see him with his back turned.Jackson takes a deep breath and walks closer to Jaebum.

’’Almost all the pictures you took of me were with a sunset or a sunrise,’’ Jackson’s tone is genuinely curious.’’Why’s that?’’

He stares closely at Jaebum’s profile.The other male looks deep in thought, biting the inside of his cheek before there’s a timid smile tugging at his lips.

’’Because they remind me how everything in life is passable. I mean, even if there’s clouds and rain, there’s always gonna be a sunrise at one point.Also, even if it’s a beautiful day, the sun will set and the night shall fall,’’ he pauses, eyebrows furrowed.’’When I was little my mom used to say that everything begins with a sunrise and ends with a sunset.It’s an unbreakable cycle.Something far out of human reach.Which is a good thing, since we have a tendency to ruin everything we touch.’’

Jackson thinks these words over in his head and finds himself agreeing to them as much as he is impressed by Jaebum’s outtake on such a, in his opinion, trivial thing.

’’I guess,’’ Jackson adds when the silence stretches between them.’’I just though you found them pretty.’’

Jaebum plays with loose threads of his tank-top and Jackson doesn’t understand how he’s not cold when he himself is shivering from the chilly wind that dances around them.

’’I do, but there is more to things than just their outer appearance.’’

Jackson wants to say an _amen to that_ but holds back.The moment feels so fragile, he’s afraid he might ruin it with a single wrong word.

’’I agree,’’ he says instead an doesn’t try to mask the disappointment in his tone. Jaebum looks at him, a few strands of jet black hair fallen in his eye, mouth set in a knowing smile.

’’Did you see something pretty that disappointed you when you looked more closely?’’

Jaebum’s question is quite general, but Jackson feels like the he _knows,_ and that thought alone makes him feel foolish.

’’I loved it.’’

The wind gets harsher, tangling Jaebum’s hair in a dark mess, but the other is looking at him, _through him_ , and Jackson wants to avert his gaze but can’t seem to.Memories of Mark’s skinny frame and pale face make him sick to his stomach, but more than anything he blames himself for never exactly doing anything to help the other.Not that he could when Mark only ever listened to himself.

’’What happened?’ Jaebum asks slowly, and looks back at the skyline where the patch of light appears.Jackson shakes his head as if to dismiss the subject but something claws at his insides and he can’t keep this to himself anymore.

’’I feel in love with a man that only ever loved himself, foolish enough to think that I’d be able to change that,’’ he sighs and runs  a hand through his hair.’’Long story short, I couldn’t keep up with it so I left.’’

Jaebum hums knowingly,’’Is he a model?’’

Jackson nods,'’He never really loved the job, only the attention.I don’t know if things are the same now since I haven’t seen him-’’ he wants to say _for a while_ but then remembers that wedding and cuts himself short.’’-recently.’’

If Jaebum notices the abrupt pause, he doesn’t mention it.

’’But he still works in the industry?’’

’’It seems so.I don’t think he’ll ever quit as long as there are people telling him that he looks amazing even though he’s more skin and bones than human.’’

There is a certain bite to Jackson words.Maybe it’s the awareness that it could’ve easily been him with all the eating disorders and not Mark if he hadn’t retreated before it was too late.He almost shudders again at that thought.

’’I tired to help him,’’ Jackson smile is bitter,"But he never wanted my help.’’

For a few moments Jaebum doesn’t say anything, and just when Jackson thinks to turn around and ask where he should stand, there is a tentative palm pressing against his, warm and slightly sweaty fingers intertwining with his own.

When he glances at the other, Jaebum isn’t looking at him, his gaze fixed at the rising sun on the horizon.

’’If it means anything to you, I’m glad you’re here,’’Jaebum says.

Jackson feels his skin tingling pleasantly and smiles, squeezing Jaebum’s hand.

For the first time in a while, Jackson actually feels content.Maybe that’s why he doesn’t particularly flinch when Jaebum looks at him and asks ’’What about that box in your pocket?’’

His fingers only tighten around Jaebum’s, heart beating strongly in his chest.’’The cigarettes? They are his.’’

Jaebum hums, yet again though this time there is query in his eyes.’’So you don’t smoke?’’

Jackson thinks the question over and only then realizes how silly he had been all this time trying to save something that isn’t even useful to him.He desperately held onto that one piece of Mark just because he though he couldn’t let go fully.But the truth is, he only needed a small nudge to shake him awake.And that small nudge was standing right beside him.

’’I was just thinking how sunrise and smoke go well together,’’ Jackson glances at Jaebum out of the corner of his eye and the lost look on Jaebum’s face makes his lips quirk upwards.

’’Are you sure?’’ Jaebum tries to seem indifferent though he’s biting the inside of his cheek again.

Instead of answering though, Jackson let’s go of Jaebum’s hand and pulls out the red and white box.The cigarette is slightly crooked from being inside of a pocket for so long but looking at it, bent and imperfect, Jackson knows he’s ready.

Pushing his fear of heights away for a moment, he stands beside the edge, just in the halo of the  sun and when the cigarette is finally lit, he feels as if a part of him is burning down along with it, memories becoming nothing more than toxins dispersing into thin air.

There’s Mark smiling and laughing and holding Jackson face between his bony palms that feel like melting glass against Jackson’s cold skin.There’s Mark singing loudly in the shower when he thinks Jackson isn’t around anymore and vomiting just as loudly in the toilet when he has an important photo shoot, only to ignore Jackson’s frantic calls afterwards.There is Mark, completely devoid of any emotion as he stands right before Jackson, his bones protruding against the thin skin like a beautifully damaged arabesque.

Jackson wants to reach out, touch him, hold him but-

_Mark never stayed._

The illusion breaks into a thousand tiny shards and Jackson manages a  lazy smile, despite seeing Jaebum’s worried expression.He feels as if he’s looking through the lens of a camera, no filters, no touch-ups.Which is what he should’ve done ages ago.Maybe then he wouldn’t have met Mark, or maybe he would have, but he wouldn’t have been fooled by the false happiness that the other carried, layers of makeup covering up the rotting insides.

’’Ready to take your winning shot?’’ Jackson asks with a gentle smile and Jaebum responds with one of his own.

’’Are you?’’

Jackson casts one look at the sun that’s slowly rising towards them like a brilliant ball of flamming coal.He inhales deeply.

’’Yes.’’

And finally lets go.


	3. Epilogue

**3 months later**

 

Chatter of people hugged the room like a warm blanket.It bounced off the walls in Jaebum’s apartment that had been decorated with dozens of pictures.All of Jackson.

At first, the blond felt quite overwhelmed with the amount of _his face_ everywhere, but as he looked at each photograph more closely he simply became transfixed on the pure, raw talent that Jaebum carried within himself.

There were a lot of people dressed in fancy suits (much fancier than his cheap ebay one), strolling around the place and looking just as mesmerized as Jackson himself.He didn’t know any of them.Well, except Momo and Jungyeon who waved at him as soon as they saw him through a mass of _’expensive grey.’_ Jackson walked up to them with a leisure smile on his lips.

’’This is amazing,’’ Momo beamed, taking a sip of her champagne. She looked rather beautiful in her turquoise, knee length dress and beige sandals. Jungyeon's hand was resting gently around her waist, and Jackson only then noticed that the taller woman was dressed in a white shirt and pants with suspenders.How convenient.

’’You two look _amazing,_ ’’ Jackson winked cheekily and Jungyeon chuckled.

’’No need to kiss our asses,’’ she was still grinning,’’We already like you.’’

’’Good to know.’’

He caught a glimps of a picture, black and white (most of them were).It was him under the tall oak tree in the park across the street.Staring into the distance, thinking about nothing in particular while twirling the yellow-green leaf between his  thumb and index finger.A smile.He thought Jaebum was eating.Should’ve known better.

’’Seriously, how you managed to get so many pictures is beyond me,’’ Momo said, took a sip, her eyes as wide as always.

Jackson laughed.’’Oh, I’m sure there’s much more, but this place isn’t large enough.’’

’’I think so too,’’ she paused, then smiled like she knew something.She always did though,’’ Have you checked the other room?’’

Jackson was confused for a moment.He didn’t know there were pictures beyond the living room.’’Should I?’’

’’You might like it,’’ she left the empty glass on a trey carried by the waiter that was silently passing by.’’Jaebum told me something about his _favorites_  being there.’’ It was her turn to wink as she and her girlfriend disappeared to sight-see further.

Now, that certainly spiked Jackson’s curiosity and he strolled down the hall in the direction of their guest room.There was fewer people, reasonably so since the space was quite small.Some of them were waiting to enter when the others would leave.Jackson felt privileged in a way.

The walls were in a desperate need of painting, but hardly anyone paid attention to them with all the photographs that came as a pleasant distraction.Jackson looked closely.His breath caught somewhere in his throat, lips slightly parted.These were the first.The raw ones.Unedited.His and only his.No,theirs.

He stood in front of the first photo and it was him, with his arms above his head and that boyish, 4am smile on his lips.His heart squeezed in his chest.

The next one was the first picture he’d ever taken in Jaebum’s apartment, sun behind his back, casting him in shadows while the rest was orange.Breathtaking.

He held still for a moment as he continued, not knowing when the third picture had been taken.It was in black and white, the only effect that was added to it.It was him of course, tangled in white sheets, light seeping over his features that were softened by the state of sleep.If he thought hard enough he could recall when that one was taken.Probably while he was passed out drunk and decided to make himself comfortable in Jaebum’s bed.Little did he know back then, that he’d be sleeping in that same bed regularly.

Suddenly, a presence beside him.

He looked out of the corner of his eye and almost tripped over thin air.Mark fucking Tuan.In flesh and bone...well, _skin_ and _bone_ , standing to his right.Jackson opened his mouth to speak and closed it seconds later with a lack of words.

Luckily, Mark striked first.

’’He did a good job,’’ the older male said, scrutinizing the picture before him,’’Capturing the right moment.’’

Jackson wanted to bite back, say _’wouldn’t you know?’_ , but he held himself, stared at the photo as well. Black and white.Sin and purity.Darkness and light.Simple, yet one of the most complex things he’d ever seen.Maybe because it was him in the picture, and he was never a simple man.

The pause was long and suffocating, Mark cleared his throat.

’’So this is where you’ve been hiding, huh?’’ The older chuckled, his feet gliding almost seamlessly against the tailed floor until he was standing right beside Jackson.Shoulder to shoulder, foot to foot.Jackson tensed up.

’’I wasn’t hiding.’’

Mark looked at him sideways, smirk faltering.’’Just casually avoiding me at all costs?’’

Upon hearing that, anger hit Jackson so suddenly that he almost physically pulled back.The only thing that did a double take however, was his brain, desperately trying to find a memory of when he ever avoided the male beside him.All he found was a dry, bitter fact that he voiced out loud.

’’We could’ve been something, but you clearly didn’t want it, and that’s okay.I know rejection when I see it.I wasn’t avoiding you.I was protecting...’’ _my heart_ ’’myself.’’

It was Mark’s turn to tense visibly, looking rather uncomfortable for the first time since the beginning of the conversation.’’Jackson, you know how it is.I’m not exactly the best person for bonding.’’ He frowned,’’I thought you were okay with that?’’He paused for a split second then added slowly, almost reluctantly ,’’You wanted me to stay?’’

_Every damn time._

Instead of answering, Jackson looked at him briefly, noted how the other hadn’t changed a slight bit.He wondered, just as briefly, if that was good or bad.The blonde’s lips twitched into a small smile, not quite happy, but certainly not sad.

’’No, It’s fine really.It had been my fault to fall for the wrong person.’’ He finally turned his head to look at the other.Mark was staring back with those chocolate browns of his that had been shaking up Jackson’s world for quite some time.

Though, the earthquake of emotions within him didn’t seem as intense now as it used to be.

Mark’s abrupt silence screamed at him louder than any sentence they’ve ever spoken to one another.With a gentle smile, Mark’s eyes shifted from Jackson only to land on Jaebum who was chatting the evening away with two older men.The look in Mark’s eyes was something Jackson had never seen before, and couldn’t quite describe if asked.It was something remorseful, but at the same time genuine and hopeful.

At last, Mark said,’’Well, it seems to me that you’ve fallen for the right one.’’

His hand was warm when it touched Jackson’s shoulder.And the feeling of sudden lightness washed over Jackson in waves to the rhythmical beat of Mark’s footsteps, slowly fading away.

-

Jackson smelled Jaebum’s perfume before he felt the other’s arm sneak around his waist.He let himself smile, and lean into the warmth of the other’s body. Jaebum planted a kiss at the crown of Jackson’s head.

’’Want a sip?’’ Jaebum asked, putting a glass of martini right under Jackson’s nose.Only the smell of it almost made the other gag.He pulled away slowly with a grin.

’’God no.I’m so done with that drink.’’

Seeing Jaebum’s raised eyebrow he added,’’A lot of puking involved.It’s a long story.’’

Jaebum laughed lightly and Jackson felt the vibration pass through his body.It certainly didn’t matter that there were people around them, and that Mark had walked away only seconds before.The only thing that mattered was the two of them stuck in a moment like this.

He pulled his face away, only to plant a small, chaste kiss to the corner of Jaebum’s lips, feeling them stretch underneath his own.Despite the smile, Jackson caught the subtle furrow of Jaebum’s eyebrows.

’’What?’’ He asked.

’’Why were you talking to Mark Tuan? You guys know each other?’’

Without much as a shrug, Jackson casted one last look at the door through which Mark had waltzed out moments earlier.Then he smiled up at Jaebum and kissed his lips softly, tasting olives.

’’That’s another long story.’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and supporting<3


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